I met a man I liked. Sitting across the table from him, a surprising, pre-marital version of me surfaced in tact and ready for action. I was radiant, relaxed, turned on. After our first date, we voted this man in as CEO of Pleasure. After our second date, we decided not to see each other again. This left an open position at the … Read More
For a New Beginning
— John O’Donohue In out-of-the-way places of the heart, Where your thoughts never think to wander, This beginning has been quietly forming, Waiting until you were ready to emerge. For a long time it has watched your desire, Feeling the emptiness growing inside you, Noticing how you willed yourself on, Still unable to leave what you had outgrown. It watched … Read More
The No-Fault Divorce
I don’t know why I feel so unlovable. I don’t know why I’ve always been more comfortable with men who reject me than with men who embrace me. And I may never know. But I do know that happy marriages are not built upon quicksand. You build a family on a solid foundation. And when each partner is themselves solid, a … Read More
Drawing the Line
In marriage, I couldn’t figure out how to get things to feel equal between Pete and me. By the time we were divorcing, I was completely depleted from the tremendous amounts of positive reinforcement I poured into trying to motivate him to contribute—and positive thinking I tangled myself up with in trying to appreciate what little was offered. The fact … Read More
A Look Under the Hood of Conscious Uncoupling
For the first time in my life, a “royal couple” of the media industry is separating in a way that appears to be truly newsworthy: with a conscious commitment to their children and each other at their epicenter. This is what every divorcing parent is striving for ultimately, isn’t it? Peace with their ex. And the ability to co-create a family system that honors and … Read More
We Are Less Alone Than We Believe
It was our final day of Disneyland, and I was feeling like a world champion. I had planned and paid for this trip, arranged for pet care with my standard multiple pages of instructions, packed for every possible mother-son contingency, spent a full day traveling in which I served as human snack vending machine and then, for three endless days, … Read More
Thirst
We understand least what we hold closest. Cup contains, water resists. Thirst: a lineage of cups with no trust in the future. What wakes you up in the night mouth empty, sheets blank might be the faucet’s dumb neck arched with a brassy assurance that you have not yet learned to tap.
How to eat an elephant
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Let’s put aside the disgrace of actually eating an elephant and focus on the metaphoric value of this little aphorism. Many of us experience divorce as an “elephant in the room” that somehow takes over the whole house. Digesting the meaning and impact of this runaway elephant is not … Read More
Petals, Snow, Volcanoes, Ash
Pete sends me a link to the photos of his afternoon with Teddy on the front lawn of Pittock Mansion. My son loves volcanoes and his father wanted to introduce him to the slumbering one in Mt. Saint Helens which features prominently from this pinnacle of visibility. In one photo, my son sits on a bench, arms outstretched to the … Read More
The Monkey Bars of Love
One friend ended her 12-year relationship and within months met the man of her dreams. Another had a man in the wings waiting to take center stage when her marriage ended. Most of the rest had affairs that catapulted them from marriage into someone else’s arms—at least temporarily. I came out of my marriage convinced that I was unlovable. I … Read More
