The Wisdom to Know the Difference

When we go through a divorce process, so much of what happens is out of our hands. Being clear about what we can influence and what is definitely not ours to manage can help us conserve energy and emotion. Here’s a list I made for myself.

The things you can not change The things you can change
What your ex thinks, feels, says, does Your attitude, beliefs, thinking, stories, expectations, and actions
What happened in the past Your present and future
The relationship dynamic that brought you here The relationship with your co-parent that you are co-creating now
How your children feel about your marriage and your divorce How you talk to your children, listen to them and support them through this transition
Your kids’ relationship and experiences with their other parent–and the people in your co-parent’s life Who you choose to have in your life and involve in your child’s / children’s lives
The ways in which your needs were not met in your marriage How you take care of yourself — physically, emotionally, spiritually
The dissolution of your family home The way today’s home looks and feels, welcomes and comforts

What’s on your list?

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