When Pete would trigger in me something big—often in that rushed and complicated time of handing off our child—I’d get lost for a while in the old spin, the suffocating stories, the righteous rage.

Day by day, with great reverence for my tender heart, I’d reel myself back in with a practice that I call “running filters” through which I answered these questions:

• How do I feel?
• What do I need?
• What does my child need?
• What is in my child’s highest good in this circumstance?
• What is in my highest good?
• Who do I choose to be in this moment?

By running filters, I stayed grounded in the truth that I could both feel my feelings and stand in integrity for myself and for my son, making conscious choices that would take our entire family forward with respect and grace.

* * * * *

How do you call yourself back from your own personal ledges? Are there guidelines you could make for yourself or questions you could ask yourself to help you become centered and neutral again when something happens that triggers you? I invite you to come up with your own set of filters, and experiment with leading yourself through them in times of need.