I needed a way to appreciate the pain I was in. It had to be serving some higher purpose than graying my hair, expanding my waistline, and torturing my sleep.
I had long ago chosen to hold the rigors of early motherhood as a spiritual practice. Every self-shattering struggle was sweetened and deepened by the clarity that I was growing into the mother my son needed me to be. Divorce, it seemed, could be a parallel path.
What if every obstacle and disappointment with Pete were actually deepening and ripening me into my most potent and powerful self? I chose to steer our shipwreck in my heart and mind with a singular intention: untangling from Pete would be a powerful practice through which I would become an even better mother to Teddy, friend to myself and co-parent to Pete. I became fierce in my insistence with myself that each layer of ease that got stripped away would be eventually surpassed by even greater and more authentic ease. The turbulence along the way was simply the path.
Each time I was blindsided or triggered by Pete, I would take a moment to give thanks for the wobble in me he was helping me see and address. There was nothing between us that could not be transformed into an opportunity. Each choice of interpretation and intention I made was another step on the path. Letting him go, letting our marriage go, letting the version of myself I saw in Pete’s eyes go—this was my secret and sacred marathon of self. I would always and never be crossing the finish line.
This possibility is available to you. Right now. Divorce can be a spiritual path. Attuning yourself to the growth opportunities can become your practice. It is the most powerful way I know to make the pain of divorce worth it.