The Joy of Ex

I didn’t know when I was divorcing that I’d eventually come out the other side happier. I didn’t know that I’d come to love and appreciate and respect my co-parent again, in a fresh and true and far more sustainable way. I didn’t know that my son would would thrive. I didn’t know how incredibly (read on)

I Wish Someone Had Told Me

I wish someone had told me: You will throw up before and after every divorce negotiation call for a year. You will lose half of your hair, and it will grow back gray in a halo of friz. You will go into unbelievable, unprecedented debt. Your son will ask you to see “the happy face,” (read on)

Letting your eyes adjust to the light

Sometimes you need grief to rust a lock open. And lawyers to say things so ugly that the ground on which your marriage lived will never send up another false flower. And you need to prop up what can no longer stand into art or forgiveness, some kind of distance that lets your eyes actually (read on)

A Mother’s Day Blessing for the Single Mother

You are an extraordinary mother. Every day, you do what you can do—and it is enough. The homework, the garbage, the dishes, the laundry, the pets, the yard, the carpools, the roof that needs repair, the friendship that needs repair, the deadlines, the discipline, the bruised egos and broken bones. You take care of it all. (read on)

There comes a time

There comes a time when what happened in your marriage is simply a sad, sweet story. And what happened in your divorce is its sad sweet climax, followed by the sad, sweet denouement of co-parenting. And you love those stories as you love your dear, old dying dog who has defended every threshold you have (read on)

Tomorrow is Another Day

It was a perfect storm: The anniversary of the end of my pregnancy and marriage. PMS. The veterinarian telling me my dog had maybe a week to live. An out-of-town teaching engagement bookended by two intensely demanding weeks at work. Because the greater hell would be to lose my dog while away than to lose (read on)

You are Worthy of Gratitude, Deserving of Welcome

Remember when you met your child for the first time and marveled at the possibilities of who this new person would unfurl to become? You have the same opportunity right now, with yourself. Divorce is a death, and it is also a birth. The woman who brought you into your marriage has to give way (read on)

Rage is Transportation

It’s so easy to decide that the feelings we have when moving through a divorce process are “wrong.” It’s also natural to try to bottle up and manage those “wrong” feelings as we attempt to steer toward our end-goal emotions. I wanted so badly to accept and feel grateful for my co-parent—and myself. But I (read on)

Until One Day

When the heart is not yet ready, you can send the body in first. Make it strong. Let it be soft. Give it sleep and baths and forest. Let your heart be a passenger in this strange chariot, this powerful vessel you are becoming. Your circuitry of joy will stir from its slumber in its (read on)

You Will Find Your Way

Whatever it is you fear you cannot do that needs doing, you will find a way to do. Maybe you will find someone else to help you do it. Or, perhaps you will find that it didn’t actually need doing after all. One way or another, you will climb or penetrate or blow up the (read on)